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Better late than never!

June highlights:

  • waiting for surgery, and eventual surgery in Vancouver
  • construction of Hank’s outdoor kennel
  • moving the door for the pantry closet from one wall to another
  • lots of Hank

What else is up?:

  • today is the 4 week mark since surgery
  • I’m getting stronger and am getting up and out of bed easier. The surgeon said recovery would be 10 weeks, so I guess I have a ways to go
  • my appetite is getting better
  • I went to see my fav band Elliott Brood play at the Dawson City Music Festival on Friday night, since it is just a block away, but it really wore me out. Sitting on a bench without anything behind me to lean on for an hour was rough on my abdomen muscles that were sliced in half. Not to mention the toe tappin’. Worth it though. Except I was really light headed the next day. Actually it felt more like vertigo. Better now though.
  • we are flying down to Vancouver in a couple days for two appointments – a medical oncology and radiation oncology. I’m assuming I’ll find out what the treatment plan is. I’m suspecting I’ll find out I need to move to Vancouver for an extended stay for radiation treatment.
  • struggling a bit with how to handle down moments. Blog it? Stifle it? Everyone thinks I’m strong and brave for some reason, but sometimes the “why me?”, “why now”‘s creep in. I want to scream and cry but can barely get a tear out before I stop myself, knowing there is nothing to gain by throwing a tantrum. This is tough. It’s summer. Summer here is so so short. I feel like I’m missing it. We finally have a great group of friends here and I can’t socialize much. I can’t have a cold beer in the sun. I can’t ride my new ATV. I can’t be carefree. I can’t walk around town looking at the summer flowers. I can’t even walk the dog. I have so much yuck in front of me with chemo and radiation. I’m flip flopping between denial and overwhelming fear/anger. I prefer being firmly in denial. Life is easier. I’m fearful of the oncology appointments on Thursday and what I’m going to hear and be forced to absorb. I think I need more good things to look forward to. Like getting through this and never thinking of it again? Or maybe a beach vacation? A road trip? Will a day come in the future when I see why all this happened and I’ll be okay with it? Or will I go through all of this treatment just to have it all come back and take me out? Nothing I can do but go back to tackling this one day at a time. It’s the only way that works for me. And finding enjoyment in the things I can do. Like sitting on my front porch in the evening, watching Shameless on Netflix, drinking some cold ice water.
  • Less than a week left of these hideous daily blood thinner injections!! My thighs will be so grateful to have fewer bruises. And I’m sure Jeff won’t miss my kicking and screaming and whining every day when it is time for the shot.