Eight BelowWarning: Don’t read this review unless you want to know what happens. Because I’m about to rant here, big time!

J. rented Eight Below for us to watch tonight. What a sweetie, renting a movie I’d like, and a Disney one at that!

But unfortunately the movie went horribly wrong.

I hated this movie. The tagline for the movie is “The Most Amazing Story Of Survival, Friendship, And Adventure Ever Told.” What a crock of sh*t.

This movie is an American, chest-thumping, we’re-so-great-for-saving-them movie. When in reality, it’s a couple of hours of watching dogs suffer, get hurt, freeze, and die.

If you don’t know what this movie is about, it’s about some American research team in Antarctica who cut their mission short because of a storm, and aren’t able to get back to rescue their dog team.

Wait, before they leave, there is a bunch of woo-ha-ha’s, where the incredibly smart and loyal dogs save the humans a few times. Okay, then they are left alone to fend for themselves for 172 or so days.

Unlike every reviewer led me to believe, the dogs don’t all survive this movie! Two of the dogs die, and a third one comes damn close after suffering a wound for days on end. THIS MOVIE IS NOT FOR CHILDREN!!!! And it isn’t for people like me who have experienced enough dog death lately for a lifetime.

Let me repeat again, THIS MOVIE IS NOT FOR CHILDREN! I keep seeing reviewers say “if you love animals you need to see this movie”. NO YOU DON’T! If you love animals and enjoy watching them suffer and die, then go ahead and watch it!

The dogs are left on super-tight leashes, tied to a chain, with no food, while their selfish American heroes owners flee the approaching storm. (yes this movie is “inspired” by a real story, except in the real story, 15 dogs were left, and when people came back ELEVEN months later, they happened to notice 2 were still alive!). In the movie, after 172 days they are able to put their hero halos back on and they travel back to “save” them… what’s left of them.

The character development in the humans is lacking. Disney tried so put some stupid love story in the movie, so when the American heroes finally return to get their beloved dogs, and one of them is on the brink of death and is carried into their snow vehicle, two of the characters get to share a passionate kiss. Selfish bastards. How about some first aid for your dying dog?

I held off bawling until near the end, but then it was just too much to take and I let loose blubbering on J.’s futon. Poor guy has bad luck picking movies for us – but it wasn’t his fault – the Disney name is normally on quality products. Not this time!!!

I agree with most of the other “haters” of this movie. Their comments are here: http://imdb.com/title/tt0397313/usercomments?filter=hate

There. Consider yourself warned. I’m going to bed.