Ice Dam!

  1. Notice big icicles on the back of the house, especially over my bathroom window
  2. Wish it would stop pouring rain after snow, and over and over.
  3. Watch icicles form for 2 weeks
  4. Notice ice on back roof is nearly 6 inches in depth
  5. Smash icicles off of eaves-trough from upstairs windows
  6. See a warming trend and rain in the forecast
  7. Wake up for work on a Monday morning
  8. Notice bubbles in the paint half way up the bathroom wall
  9. Laugh to self thinking, wow, imagine if that ice caused a water dam and this was water damage
  10. Look up
  11. See big water stains on bathroom ceiling
  12. Get husband
  13. Watch husband poke finger through wet bathroom ceiling
  14. Listen to water drip into sink, coincidentally located directly under drip
  15. Think about what colour I will repaint my new bathroom
  16. Watch husband try to use a camera to take a picture of the far side of the attic that is too cramped to see from his location
  17. Wonder if it is a mixed blessing that it doesn’t work so we can’t really see how much ice is in the attic.
  18. Go to work
  19. Receive phone from husband who said every roofing company receptionist in the area has “no idea” if their company removes ice dams
  20. Wonder where we can get a ladder long enough to reach the 2nd story roof
  21. Listen to husband plan idea of using shorter ladder on shorter front roof, and tune out when mention of harness, ATV, and ice cleats get mentioned
  22. Worry all afternoon that husband may be stuck on the roof, or worse yet, broken at bottom of ladder
  23. Go home and find husband intact and well
  24. Research ways to remove thick ice from a roof we can’t reach
  25. Decide to hook up garden hose to hot water to carve a path through the ice to the eaves trough
  26. Remember our water pressure isn’t the best so a garden hose nozzle would be very useful
  27. Remember that I lazily left the garden hose in the garden
  28. Get shovel
  29. Climb over garden fence
  30. Dig with shovel through 3 feet of snow until I find the garden hose nozzle
  31. Watch husband wrestle with shed doors that are frozen into the ground.
  32. Then watch husband wrestle with garden hose caddy to squeeze it out of the shed doors that won’t open all the way
  33. Watch husband succeed with garden hose caddy and drag end of hose down into the basement to attach to the laundry tub.
  34. Watch Monty nose dive into the snow and simultaneously realize the snow is way deeper than he is
  35. Watch the hose for leaks
  36. Realize not only do we not have any leaks, the entire hose is frozen solid and the water is not entering the hose.
  37. Watch husband drag hose caddy into basement to thaw.
  38. Check drippage rate
  39. Constant at 1 drip per second
  40. Go to bed
  41. Wake up to survey situation
  42. Dipping now through the bathroom ceiling fan too
  43. And in the spare bedroom ceiling
  44. And in the spare bedroom window casing
  45. Go downstairs to cry when we see the kitchen is leaking everywhere
  46. Water is coming around the microwave above the stove, the bulkhead is covered in bubbling paint, the veneer on the end of the kitchen cupboards is peeling off the cupboard to allow more water to leak out
  47. Strategically place bowls and towels
  48. Email in late for work
  49. Make husband get ready for work to attend important work meeting
  50. Get hose attached for hot water attack
  51. Drag hose out the basement walkout and around the house
  52. Watch husband spray roof
  53. Check inside to make sure drips aren’t turning into gushers due to hot water hose
  54. Attempt to climb up hill behind house to see where water is spraying on roof because the ladder is too short to see
  55. Realize that we have 3-4 feet of snow everywhere and I can’t get back into the woods
  56. Climb wood pile, but realize I’m still not high enough.
  57. Cry.
  58. Say bye to husband
  59. Take over hot water hose.
  60. Get wet.
  61. Eventually come to the realization we need a much taller ladder, or a much shorter house, and much more hot water.
  62. Drag hose back into basement.
  63. Receive call from father who works to convince me my house isn’t going to collapse if I go to work
  64. Shower quickly in what is left of the hot water.
  65. Strategically place more towels and bowls.
  66. Go to work as the temperature is dropping and the wind warning of 90 km/hr wind gusts comes into effect
  67. Listen to co-workers explain how I should get the ice off the roof.
  68. Work on taming my inner voice before it becomes loud enough for co-workers to hear.
  69. Drive home in near zero visibility with wind gusts near 100 km/hr to find that all drips have ceased because it is so cold out.
  70. Wonder why my bathroom ceiling has resumed leaking at 8pm when there is a windchill of -28

To be continued.

Lisa

Lisa (Verkley) Schuyler is a blogger reporting live from her new home in Canada's Yukon Territory. Often found wearing a hoodie, covered in pet hair, Lisa is a mis-placed forester who now spends her days engineering happiness for WordPress users. Lisa loves nature, animals, and most importantly, her handsome husband Jeff.

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