Ice Dam!

1. Notice big icicles on the back of the house, especially over my bathroom window
2. Wish it would stop pouring rain after snow, and over and over.
3. Watch icicles form for 2 weeks
4. Notice ice on back roof is nearly 6 inches in depth
5. Smash icicles off of eaves-trough from upstairs windows
6. See a warming trend and rain in the forecast
7. Wake up for work on a Monday morning
8. Notice bubbles in the paint half way up the bathroom wall
9. Laugh to self thinking, wow, imagine if that ice caused a water dam and this was water damage
10. Look up
11. See big water stains on bathroom ceiling
12. Get husband
13. Watch husband poke finger through wet bathroom ceiling
14. Listen to water drip into sink, coincidentally located directly under drip
15. Think about what colour I will repaint my new bathroom
16. Watch husband try to use a camera to take a picture of the far side of the attic that is too cramped to see from his location
17. Wonder if it is a mixed blessing that it doesn’t work so we can’t really see how much ice is in the attic.
18. Go to work
19. Receive phone from husband who said every roofing company receptionist in the area has “no idea” if their company removes ice dams
20. Wonder where we can get a ladder long enough to reach the 2nd story roof
21. Listen to husband plan idea of using shorter ladder on shorter front roof, and tune out when mention of harness, ATV, and ice cleats get mentioned
22. Worry all afternoon that husband may be stuck on the roof, or worse yet, broken at bottom of ladder
23. Go home and find husband intact and well
24. Research ways to remove thick ice from a roof we can’t reach
25. Decide to hook up garden hose to hot water to carve a path through the ice to the eaves trough
26. Remember our water pressure isn’t the best so a garden hose nozzle would be very useful
27. Remember that I lazily left the garden hose in the garden
28. Get shovel
29. Climb over garden fence
30. Dig with shovel through 3 feet of snow until I find the garden hose nozzle
31. Watch husband wrestle with shed doors that are frozen into the ground.
32. Then watch husband wrestle with garden hose caddy to squeeze it out of the shed doors that won’t open all the way
33. Watch husband succeed with garden hose caddy and drag end of hose down into the basement to attach to the laundry tub.
34. Watch Monty nose dive into the snow and simultaneously realize the snow is way deeper than he is
35. Watch the hose for leaks
36. Realize not only do we not have any leaks, the entire hose is frozen solid and the water is not entering the hose.
37. Watch husband drag hose caddy into basement to thaw.
38. Check drippage rate
39. Constant at 1 drip per second
40. Go to bed
41. Wake up to survey situation
42. Dipping now through the bathroom ceiling fan too
43. And in the spare bedroom ceiling
44. And in the spare bedroom window casing
45. Go downstairs to cry when we see the kitchen is leaking everywhere
46. Water is coming around the microwave above the stove, the bulkhead is covered in bubbling paint, the veneer on the end of the kitchen cupboards is peeling off the cupboard to allow more water to leak out
47. Strategically place bowls and towels
48. Email in late for work
49. Make husband get ready for work to attend important work meeting
50. Get hose attached for hot water attack
51. Drag hose out the basement walkout and around the house
52. Watch husband spray roof
53. Check inside to make sure drips aren’t turning into gushers due to hot water hose
54. Attempt to climb up hill behind house to see where water is spraying on roof because the ladder is too short to see
55. Realize that we have 3-4 feet of snow everywhere and I can’t get back into the woods
56. Climb wood pile, but realize I’m still not high enough.
57. Cry.
58. Say bye to husband
59. Take over hot water hose.
60. Get wet.
61. Eventually come to the realization we need a much taller ladder, or a much shorter house, and much more hot water.
62. Drag hose back into basement.
63. Receive call from father who works to convince me my house isn’t going to collapse if I go to work
64. Shower quickly in what is left of the hot water.
65. Strategically place more towels and bowls.
66. Go to work as the temperature is dropping and the wind warning of 90 km/hr wind gusts comes into effect
67. Listen to co-workers explain how I should get the ice off the roof.
68. Work on taming my inner voice before it becomes loud enough for co-workers to hear.
69. Drive home in near zero visibility with wind gusts near 100 km/hr to find that all drips have ceased because it is so cold out.
70. Wonder why my bathroom ceiling has resumed leaking at 8pm when there is a windchill of -28

To be continued.