I just experienced a bout of projectile vomiting. Remember how I figured I was good to go with vodka again? Well I only had one! Guess that’ll be the last.

So I flushed, washed up, and went to feed the dogs their nightly banana and pills. Then I hear this noise coming from under the house. The cat started freaking out. It sounds like the fan has come on the furnace! whaaa? It’s a warm night! Maybe I hit the thermostat up by accident. Nope, it’s turned all the way down. My cat is freaked out! So I listen again and I can hear it at a couple of my vents. Maybe the furnace is doing something goofy so I went over to the electricity panel and flicked off the breaker for the furnace. Still hear it. So I flipped off the power for the entire house. Still hear it!!

So I grabbed my flashlight, put on a sweatsuit and dashed outside to crawl under my crawl space. I looked from the door but didn’t see anything so I ducked in a bit more and I see WATER!! AHH! I dove in and turned off the first two water shut offs. Still gushing water EVERYWHERE. So I had to dive into the thick of things, crawling over the gravel on my knees, and find another water shut off tap. As soon as I touched the pipe it started gushing more!! I turn and turn and turn and finally it slows, and finally stops. AHHHHH. I quickly made an exit from under my house, soaked, scared of all the spiders I just got in my hair probably, with massive dents in my knees from diving across the gravel.

So I have a broken water pipe. Right where the grounding wire is attached to the water pipe.

If you recall. I had just puked. I have no water to drink. My brother and his wife are coming in the morning. Tomorrow is a National holiday. And I have no water. And no connections with a plumber.

Bets on how much this will cost me?

And no Dad, I’m NOT trying to fix this myself.

So should I check my PayDay numbers against tonights draw? Nah, I don’t think I need to. I know the answer. Maybe I’ll just go to bed and hope this was a crazy dream.