Today is the windiest day I think I’ve ever experienced. I even felt my house move a few times! I saw shingle after shingle being ripped from my neighbour’s garage roof. There was even a 4 foot long piece of blue styrofoam insulation in my tree for a half minute and then it disappeared as fast as it arrived.
Dad and Julie left this morning. Then it was just me and Zeus (the cat). I had a little pity party for myself. Good long cry/sob/cry/whine/shake… Sometime during the week I’ve pulled something in my neck, probably while carrying Surf outside. It hurts so badly whether I’m moving or sitting or standing.. I guess it’s helping distract me from the deep emotional hurt I have. A hot bath and some advil dimmed it a bit. I was so depressed last night and this morning that I just wanted to get in my truck and drive away and never come back here. Just leave everything. There is just too much pain here. Just when I was coming to terms with Winger’s death, Surf died and I feel like I’m grieving her and reliving Winger’s all at the same time. I don’t feel to pumped to drive a way and leave everything, but a good part of me still wants a new start somewhere else.
J. (is that okay Herc? Can I call you by your first initial rather than the silly Herc nickname?) and I went for a drive to see the waves on Lake Superior. We went about 100 kilometers north of town. I look a lot of good pictures, I’ll share some below as I save and resize them.
On the way back into town we stopped at the pet store. I want the puppy to have a bit of a new fresh start and not just doggie hand me downs, so I got him a dark green puppy sized collar and his first toy, a multi-coloured rope toy. I was very close today to throwing out every dog toy (they are all over my house), but I just can’t do it. Every one of them holds a memory so I think I’ll wash them up and save them for the pup.
I am supposed to dog-sit a dog all this week. I’m terrified to do it. Like I’m a curse or something and something horrible will happen to him. He can go to a boarding kennel if I say no. Do I want the company? I don’t know. I suppose I shouldn’t be alone. I’m just scared. To be honest, sometimes I am not sure I even want the puppy anymore, but I know I do, it’s just the grief, why would I want to go through this again?
It’s really strange getting used to not mentally checking in my mind where my dogs are every once in a while. And not taking care of them. The cat is mostly self-sufficient so it’s not the same. I was also thinking this week that I have no idea how people find the strength to care for their elderly parents, or physically handicapped children. Taking care of Surf when she was so bad off for the last week was very very draining. Of course I’d do it all over again in a heartbeat. I really thought after her little rally mid-week that she was going to beat it. But for people to care for other people like that long term… it’s a wonder they find the strength.
Okay, I need to take some more Advil for my neck. Whatever I pulled it radiating down into my shoulder and making my stomach turn it aches so bad. I’ll start on uploading the photos shortly…
Okay here go, Lake Superior in the wind (power is off in parts of town now…)
Update: The winds are apparently 71km/hr, gusting to 105 right now! I just thought my roof was going! A huge gust of wind and the house shook – even my monitor shook! And I thought I had a solid house!