I’m back from my bereavement leave. My work contract allows 5 days plus 3 travel for an immediate family member, which includes a Grandma. It allows nothing for aunts or uncles, and only one day for a sister or brother in-law. Crazy.

I’m so grateful that Jeff wanted to come with me. I’m a million more times grateful that he was able to meet my Grandma in August. When I was single throughout my 20’s, I was always so scared that I wouldn’t meet someone until after my Grandparents were gone. Even though it wasn’t a long visit, Grandma was able to meet him and give her thumbs up. That means the world to me because I loved and respected her so much.

In order to cope with the weekend, I pretty much made myself delay all grieving until I got back home. I know.. I’m weird sometimes. Of course I cracked a few times, when I went to see Grandma at the funeral home, and when I had to walk up the church isle with a flower display, then a carnation for her, and then when I put the carnation on her casket in the cemetery, during a few of the speeches for her, but mostly I put it off. I guess I’m a grieve-in-private kind of person. Tonight I had to update Verkley.com with her passing. I wrote it a couple dozen times, erasing everything I wrote until I just couldn’t do it anymore and left it as is. I write better on my personal blog rather than trying to represent her entire family.

I had to drop Jeff off at the Toronto Airport so he was able to catch up with his flight to Calgary for his training this week. I had to drive all the way back up here driving his big truck. It was really hard to not totally blur over in tears, but I made it back. It was a very long and exhausting drive.

I’ll forever miss my Grandma, but I’m so so so lucky to have had her until I was thirty years old! Being the oldest grandchild has its perks!

I’m grateful she didn’t have to suffer too long. She would never have wanted to be old and sick or reliant on others for everything.

I’m grateful that she was able to travel to Holland this past summer to visit her family and friends.

I’m grateful that her sister-in-law and daughters came just a few short weeks ago and surprised her for a visit.

In a way I’m grateful for Grandpa’s Alzheimer’s so that he doesn’t have to feel the full loss of his sweetheart.

I’m grateful I had a big box of Kleenex here on my desk.